Internet pt. 2

                  

I knew during that sleepless night of scattered ramblings I’d have to follow up but wasn’t sure when or about what. The day this article came out it seemed so fitting for my point. As I scrolled through the images and was taken back to that day/season we shot them. It was a dark time that left me reeling in confusion and pain. They were taken the day before I started packing up our belongings to move for the sixth time in eight years. Each of those moves a result of circumstance outside my control. Thankfully we’ve landed in a place that finally feels more indefinite. My point isn’t to say these pictures aren’t real or authentic, they are. That was my home and a place I invested countless amounts of hours making beautiful and comfortable for our lifestyle. I’m proud of that and honored to have such a feature. I spent some time studying interior design when I was younger and have always had a bent toward the power of aesthetic and feng shui. I think different personalities are much more impacted by their surroundings than others and mine definitely is. I find I’m able to concentrate better and creativity flows more freely. But now I’m getting off track. The point is there’s always so much more than what the eye can see. I wish that everyone could keep that in mind as they browse the contents of the internet.

So I’ve continued to ask myself where the balance lies. Is the answer deleting and going full Wendell Berry. Well, possibly but I want to try one more thing first. I’ve engaged on social media going on 5 years. Starting with my tumblr and growing consistently from there. It was never something I worked for or even wanted it felt more like it got dropped in my lap. I have had some amazing opportunities through the influence but also many negatives. I used to say when the bad outweighed the good that’s when I would quit. Finding myself last year completely burnt out I knew something would have to change or I’d have to stop. Even answering emails or just updating became such a burden I’ve had to go for long periods of time completely away in order to cope with it. I get asked constantly for promotions and little collaborations that while fun and rewarding in a material sense they don’t pay my bills. Thus taking away time from my family and priorities without offering anything of value to me in return. So here I type fully aware I’m one hundred percent burnt out of my social media presence. I’ve invested years of my life into something that hasn’t given back in ways I find worth it. I’ve fought and wrestled the idea for a long time of monetizing but always felt it would be a sell out in some way. Recently it occurred to me that would no more be the case than me getting an office job. There’s nothing wrong with it! It’s not exactly “me” but it’s necessary in some ways. Advertising is important, advice and inspiration are all important. So this is the start of me embarking on a journey to find balance and make keeping these spaces alive worth it in a way that doesn’t take away from the care of myself and family but rather adds. I don’t know exactly what it will look like but I hope it will be a good change.

 

photos by Whitney Neal

 

20 thoughts on “Internet pt. 2

  1. Rare are the moments when I leave comments online about anything, but here goes. Surely you will receive negativity for making this decision. Surely there will be judgement. But know this, though I have zero influence in your life, I support this decision fully. Remember, always, that you do not owe anyone an explanation for the choices you make. Your thoughtful presence in this space has made a positive impact for me, and the presence of partnerships or advertisements will do nothing to take away from that, because I trust you will remain thoughtful and authentic in your approach, as you always seem to do.

  2. thanks for those true worde!
    I absolutly know how you feel and what you mean.
    sometimes we need to stay away from the things that takes to much from our rar time and strengh. and sometimes we have to define some things new. so did I. long time ago I was totally burnt out of the internet and blogging. than I took a break and started new. now I blog, just when I want to. maybe just for me. maybe just to bring out the words that have to be out. and than there are so much times, when I dont.because, I dont have to. and that “dont have to” gives me so much freedom.

    anyway, I love your blog and Ilove to read from you. but I also can understand you so so much. do whats good for you and your little family. take away the “have to´s” !!!
    take care of yourself, your strengh and your time.

    I wish you the best, and so much more!
    eni (sorry for my english, it isnt my motherlanguage:))

  3. one thing i love the most about your post is that even simple things or decor, you turns it into a classy one. Your such a real inspiration!

  4. I kept a blog (privately) for 6 years. From my senior year of high school through college on LiveJournal. On random bad days I will login and look at what I wrote on the very same day. Its a good measuring stick. What I most wish I had from those times were my photographs, but the site that I added them from doesnt show them. My computer died my senior year of college so I lost all of my photographs (at first tragic- then I tried to embrace the newness of starting over). What I mean with all of this is, I miss the photographs the most. Esp with growing boys, just to capture some moments with your iphone and post them on here or instagram seems like id be valuable in terms of if you are looking for what the internet might ADD to your enjoyment. I struggle with the tangible (my sketchbook) vs pinterest. My sketchbook makes me feel accomplished but pinterest allows me to see many things I like and exposes my overall style in what Im drawn to…. I think a huge key is in the summer I step back and dont really use the internet as much. Winter really forces me to hibernate and it keeps me entertained. I dont know if this makes any sense:) But yea balance seems to be key for me with the internet wheras other things I quit, I need to go cold turkey. I hope you figure out what you need in it all : )

  5. i think many of us would love to see who you choose to collaborate and advertise with as you’re such a lifestyle icon. the internet life definitely has it’s downsides but if you’re in a position to support your family with it, i agree with georgia – it is not selling out. xo

  6. I wish you nothing but the best. You do what’s right for you and your family 🙂

    On another note, your walls are beautiful. I’m wanting to paint mine white but choosing a “white” is intimidating! Can you tell me the name of yours?

    Thanks so much and take care!

    ja

  7. May the sun bring you new energies by day,
    May the moon softly restore you by night,
    May the rain wash away any worries you may have,
    And may the breeze blow new strength into your being
    And then, all the days of your life,
    May you walk through the world
    And know its beauty and yours

  8. I completely resonate with you. When I decided to monetize my blog, it felt kind of icky. But in the long run, it is so much nicer for me. For all the hard work you put into something, you want to be able to have some sort of valuable return. For us, that’s paying the bills too. I think it will work out great!

  9. I meant, I think your decision will work out great. I am praying that you can better support your family and still have the time and the energy to be present with them. That’s what we need as mamas. 🙂 xo!

  10. I’m sure your blog will be amazing and I know you will be thoughtful with the products you endorse. I’m excited to see what you do.
    Maybe look at it as a down payment for your farm

    I’m curious though why everyone is so anti painting their walls with color- I have a room painted a deep deep red and with 100 year-old floors it is such a relaxing space. I can’t for the life of me figure out why the 100% white wall thing is so ubiquitous

    Peace

    1. Thank you! and I’m not anti color at all! to me white is simple and easy and a color is something that will take time for me to settle on. I’ve not lived long enough in one place to get to that point however I did have a red room at one point in my life 🙂

      peace

  11. If monetizing your blog means there is a greater chance of getting more delicious and wonderful content from you, I am all for it! 😉 You seem to have a high standard for what you allow into your life and what you embrace and I imagine that standard will flow through anything you add to this blog. I wish you the best. And I leave you with one of my favorite thoughts: good things fall apart so better things can come together.

  12. Bekah, thank you for your honest words! It takes bravery to be honest, and I do believe you are one courageous lady.

  13. wish you the best, bekah, whatever your choice may be. you (as you come through your tumblr, blog, shop, insta) have been a profoundly important and wonderful influence on my life, i say that completely sincerely. i think the world of you and thank you for being so inspiring- genuine and open and honest and giving of yourself- especially when it may not feel reciprocated.
    with love in my heart,
    kelly

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