Yesterday a close friend told me she lost her baby this week. My heart ached and tears poured. I’d like to say I handled today like I did my last hard anniversary but for me the loss of my baby has never gotten easier.
Four years ago I remember like it was yesterday laying in the hospital while an insensitive nurse delivered the news. I remember thinking “you don’t understand” or maybe not every woman is affected like I am.
The words keep going through my head “you’re missing from me little one”. Hard to even dream about having a two year old in my life right now. But then I sit back and have to thank God for the two beautiful boys I have and pray He teaches me to love them better every day.
I think about moms all over the world. The ones who watch their children taken into slavery knowing their fate, the ones who can’t afford to feed their babies, the ones with incredible supportive husbands who can’t conceive and want nothing more, the ones who effortlessly have one after another but are too tired to enjoy it or the victims of rape who have to make a hard decision based on trauma. This world can seem so cruel and often is, there’s no cure, there’s no formula to protect yourself from pain.
There are people who go through their life somewhat fortunate to never be greeted by such tragedies but while appealing I would never wish for such a life. It’s in pain and heartache I’ve learned compassion and in my faults I’ve learned humility. This life isn’t fair and never will be but it is what we make it in how we respond to what life gives. Isn’t that beautiful? We’re not victims to life it’s our choice even when circumstances seem far out of our control.
Looking around seeing the beauty.
Our newest addition. Angora goats, Aslan and Aspen.
Morning poragae on the sun porch with this sweet one.
Hot days of yard work.
Tristan bent on learning and getting the “squeaks” out.
The adorable face that relentlessly digs holes in my yard and kills all my bushes.
My preschool graduate.
Tristan the goat whisperer. He begs me every day to keep these kids!
Practicing walking the line after a water balloon fight.
Summer is off to a good start here. Hope everyone is enjoying the long weekend!